I upgraded my ejabberd server to openfire today. It is really nice. ejabberd was very stable and worked extremely well but really lacked a management interface. Openfire has a fantastic interface that really makes it easy to configure. Even migrating my users across was painless.
Openfire have also announced a beta of their next release. It has an invisibility option. Once there is client support this should allow you to control who can see you presence. This is a feature that I and others have been waiting for.